My Core Parenting Values

par·ent

I have a few core beliefs when it comes to parenting. These stem from my own parenting style as well as from when I was a child being raised by my own parents. My beliefs have also been forged through a predominantly female family. To start I believe parenting in its full extent is a choice, not a right or a need. I also believe that when the choice is made to become a parent you in turn make a life-time commitment to your children. I also believe that respect and trust are the basis for strong parenting and families. Below I will review in detail the logic that goes into each core value outlined. I will also provide why I believe these values can help your family thrive.

/ˈperənt/
verb
gerund or present participle: parenting
1.       be or act as a mother or father to (someone).
                  "the warmth and attention that are the hallmarks of good parenting"
                  synonyms:  raise, bring up, look after, take care of, rear; hand-rear
                  "those who parent young children"

Parenting as a Choice not a Right

I know that many will disagree with the statement above about parenting being a choice and not a right. The frank reality as I see it, is that parents have become entitled in their parenting duties. I mean this in the sense that parenting has now days become a chore to many parents who feel they should receive recognition for doing the bare minimum. 

Now this is not to say you need to spend every waking moment with them nor do they need to be showered in gifts. This is the say that I believe that parenting should be a choice made to willingly provide guidance to an adolescent to help them do better in this world then the parent has. This means being honest and open with your child. Being open and honest with your child will help them grow and develop much faster while creating a bond that will become the basis for the next value. Overall making the choice to be a parent as oppose to being forced into it can and will make the difference between an ok parent and a great one. This difference is what produces the best children that are healthy and ready to become great parents themselves.

Parenting is a Life-Time Commitment

It is too often we see parenting as an 18-20 year commitment. With the goal of just getting our children ready to leave when they complete high school and leave to college. We see this goal clearly in the way we govern co-parenting and support (i.e. Child Support). Where the required age for committed care and support is 18 years old or high school completion. The idea that after 18 years you simply can disconnect yourself from a child is blasphemous to me. Instead I believe this commitment and support should be extended to the lifetime of both individuals. This would mean the continued support from the parent throughout the lifetime of the child. I am not inferring this needs to be a financial obligation but more of a communication and time obligation. 

A good example of this would be always being there for your child whether good or bad. To be perfectly fair I have the attitude of if you teach your children well enough they will want to do better in turn. The saying “give a man a fish and he can eat for a night, teach him how to fish and he can eat for a lifetime” is a perfect example of this. If you teach your children the right values and beliefs they will in turn practice and continue to teach those principles. Simply put if you look at parenting as a life-long commitment it will spur the drive to help teach your children to become independent and successful.

Trust and Respect Make Strong Families

When it comes to the question of “how can we make our children successful” I provide the metrics of trust and respect. These values are similar in thought but ultimately are different in reality. 

The aspect of respect comes in the form of how others are treated by your children. Do they show patience, quality, and uniformity when dealing with grandparents, other adults, and of children? If any of these aspects are missing in a child’s daily dealings with other they are most likely missing or discounting respect for others or specific groups of people. A good example of this is having a child that is respectful to his parents but doesn’t care what other adults have to say. They in general don’t have a respect for others which if not corrected could lead to respect issues regarding employers or college teachers. 

In regards to trust this a personal measurement for how much you would trust your child given extreme scenarios. As an example pose the question “could my child handle watching a younger sibling” dependent on your initial reaction you can gauge your trust with your child. If you immediately say “oh yeah, no problem” chances are trust is high with the child. If your reaction is something to the effect of “no that wouldn’t work” or “probably wouldn’t be the best idea” then you child may be lacking trust. Naturally trust is impacted by the child’s age, which is a strong baseline that you children must pass through.

Conclusion 

If you can instill some of the values above I can promise a happier and healthier family. Not only because they are good practical sense but also because I live my life by these rules and can attest first hand they work. Changing how a parent perceives the responsibility of parenting can help create a sense of love and patience when dealing with children. This coupled with the understanding that 1 day is a very small portion of the lifelong commitment with a child can also help with patience and love. It will also help you create a strong foundation with your children to ensure a strong relationship in the long run. While trust and respect can help you measure and examine your children objectively. Which in turn will allow you the help shape and guide your children as they grow up. All of these factors working together dynamically can create a thriving family.